Frontal lobes are for pansies

Stardate: Erm...Whenever

I'm so hyper I can't even stand it. It's not even that I just got to visit my sister and celebrate our birthdays together. Its that finals are here and that's when my creative brain overtakes my rational brain that should be worried about my future and well being and all that.

But I can't freakin sleep. After typing my facebook apology for having absolutely inspiration I have an epiphany. Because I know they've been lagging and part of it is because every chapter is ridiculous. I mean, when you get a thousand hits in one day from people all over the world it gets a bit nerve wracking. I could screw up and I mean REALLY screw up and people would notice. Poor Stephenie Meyer. She has a billion more fans than me. But because of this stress I end up taking the safe route, making sure that Cammy isn't cooler than anyone else and making Paul calm the hell down. I guess I'm afraid to let either of them steal the show because this is a FANfiction. They have taken over for me and they are main characters while I'm still trying very hard to respect Stephenie Meyer's work. I feel this guilt that Paul and Cammy shouldn't be the stars of the show. And thus the characters got a bit distorted.

So the truth is that Paul and Cammy still argue ALL the time, but I don't write that because of being afraid of upsetting people. I just feel terrible. But these arguments might just make their relationship what it is. Its essential! I mean, its like the hotel scene when out of nowhere its like they're almost having sex. That's one of the memorable scenes I get comments on and I almost took that out because I had no idea where that came from. For a while it felt like a ridiculous sexy scene even if I did write it on the spot. But it was that ridiculous scene that made reviewers go "WHOA!"

This story is so complicated and hard to write for sometimes. So I think I'll just sit back and let my lack of limitations take over again. I need to be the spontaneous me who thought that this story was a stupid idea and that I would just write it to get it out of my head and play with a fictional world that I adore. I'm starting to think that the stupid ideas are the actual good ones. Its only when you take chances and make some noise that you really leave your mark and make people interested. That is, of course, what being an author is all about. I think...