Christmas Retales- 12/18/09

Good morning boys and girls! It's that time of day again (5:48 a.m.) when there's not enough time to work on a chapter and too much time to just fool around on the internet before work.

So gather around for another Christmas Retale!

~*~

Today's story is: Seasonal Harrassment

Another thing to think about while you're shopping for Christmas presents and dealing with the hassle of getting out of the store without being elbowed in the eye by another crazy shopper, is that many of the workers in that store are seasonal workers.

Now I don't know why, but Barnes and Noble likes to hire older people for this job.

And by old, I mean like nursing home escapees.

This seasonal worker is the sweetest old lady, and working beside her I noticed that whenever Magazine Guy walked by she would smile and then... stare at him until he was out of sight. Maybe its just me having a hard time imagining women her age having a libido, but I didn't really put two and two together right away.

She was training so I was trying to show her how to work a touch screen register (a frustrating task, but again, she was so nice I didn't want discourage her.) She also didn't hear very well. Anyone who knows someone hard of hearing can tell you that often makes them talk very loud. She was definitely one of those people, which I suppose isn't usually a problem when you've got a crowded store.

Later on in the day, I was trying to show her how to open the register (again) when I realized she wasn't listening.

Not in a "say that again, dearie" kind of way. She was distracted.

I glanced up and followed her gaze to see the Magazine Guy pass by the registers again.

He nodded in greeting, the truth being that he is a pretty attractive twenty-something year old, and I've watched him walk away before, myself. Seasonal Worker and I smiled back, her own grin being a little bit guilty.

Then the Seasonal Worker turns to me and says in her loud, hard-of-hearing voice, "He's a Cutie Patootie, isn't he?"

Magazine Guy stopped so fast that his shoes squeaked on the tile and looked back at us. His ears turned bright red, but she just smiled again. I'm not sure if she knows he heard her or not, but it was good karma, as he was one of the guys giving me grief for the Playboy yesterday.

~*~

I know. Another old lady story. But nothing weirder than that happened yesterday. Maybe today I'll make Magazine Guy a new name tag with "Cutie Patootie" written on it.

Christmas Retales- 12/17/09

Happy various holidays everyone!

Yes, I know. I haven't updated. Feel free to curse me, but I'm working full time trying to get hell out of my house and working in retail during the last two weeks before Christmas is an absolute hell. I would much prefer a more painless death, but the money is coming in.

Saying this, I must tell you that Christmas retail in America brings out the weird in people. The closer you get to Christmas the more frantic people become. And a crowded store full of anxious procrastinators is bound to cause a few. Everyday this week something weird has happened. From the lady in bright pink pants covering the floor with books like tile to the woman throwing ten dollar bills at the cafe worker to guy walking around with an open can of cat food handing out samples.

So I've decided to record the weirdest events of the day and post them each morning. Have a seat boys and girls, as I begin the series of Christmas Retales.

~*~

Today's tale is: The Old Lady and the Dirty Mag

Once upon a time I was at the registers when a little old lady comes up to purchase her item. I start to ring her up doing the usual stuff when I see this little old woman is buying a Playboy calendar. Thinking it was none of my business, I put it aside and gave her the total of the purchase.

She started to open her purse, then paused thoughtfully. Then she cocked her head to the side and said, "Where are your Playboy magazines? I couldn't find them."

"We keep them in the back. You have to ask someone that works here to go get it for you," I explained.

"Why?"

Very patiently, I pretended like the answer wasn't obvious.

"Some people might think the content is too inappropriate to be on display," I said.

How else did one explain that it was full of naked women?

Her brow furrowed, clearly not satisfied with the answer, but she nodded understandedly and I continued to put her item in the bag.

"If it wouldn't be too much trouble that would be great," she said suddenly.

I hesitated. She had said it so offhandedly that I wasn't sure what she was talking about. As she made herself comfortable, leaning an elbow on the counter impatiently, I realized she wanted me to go get her a Playboy.

An epic Christmas line was piling up behind her, but our policy is to tend to the customer. So I stopped what I'm doing and decide to go find this impatient old lady her dirty mag.

I went into the backroom where the stock was kept. The stock boys that worked back there are younger guys about in their twenties (and some not too unattractive) and trying to be discreet as I ran around looking for a Playboy.

I couldn't find it anywhere.

I sighed to myself, knowing I was going to need some help.

"Where are the Playboy Magazines?" I finally asked the guys.

The reaction was predictable.

"Yeah!" All the boys said at once. I endured a few razzes, "I didn't know you were into that, Ariana" and "No, no. I understand. You only read it for the articles."

Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink.

After that we dug through a few boxes. (Barnes and Noble isn't well known for selling Playboys.) We finally get one and so I go back to my register to ring up the lady. She smiles and thanks me, then suddenly frowns as she sees the cover.

"This isn't the latest edition," she complained. I stopped scanning the item and looked up. Suddenly furious she pointed at the magazine. "I already have this one."

I excused myself again to find the latest issue but it was the only one we had.

I ended up not selling it to her, as it wasn't to her liking. So she will have to make do with just the calendar.

The End

~*~

Tis the season, I guess.

The moral of this story is never judge something by its cover... unless, of course, you wanted a more current brand of naked women.

I guess its not the most interesting work story, but I thought it was weird and I've been feeling the need to complain about people. I'm going to work in about fifteen minutes so I'm bound to have another.

Feel free to post your own weird Christmas work stories if you have any. It's kind of fun.

Happy Belated Halloween!

Whew...

Its been hectic. From "The Puppet Master" to "Unfamiliar" and now cowriting something with my best friend and having a falling out with my other best friend of 14 years, I've been going a little crazy trying to catch up with stuff. Not to mention I need to find a new place to live by August and get started with the whole career thing.

But enough about all that, let's get to the fun stuff.

As you may or may not know I'm into ghost hunting, due to an overactive imagination and lack of finding anything else to do on my salary. So my friend Aideen and I are going to Mentryville to do some research on the ghosts of Santa Clarita. Hopefully driving around in the dark will give me inspiration for Cammy's upcoming trip to Seattle.

Writing scary stuff is hard, especially in writing in first person when YOU have to be scared along with the character. I had fun with Laurent in New Moon (can't wait to watch him eat it in the movie), even if it gave me nightmares when I was writing it. More than once I woke up in the middle of the night swearing that someone was standing at the end of my bed.

Since I listen to music while I write I created a scary playlist. If anyone has any scary song suggestions to wake up my imagination, give me a holler.

Peace, love, and soul! You guys are the best!

Daria/Cammy

Huflo everyone! Sorry its been so long since I've written. I've been here, there (Vegas) everywhere, and girl drama. Ugh! I'm going back to writing because real drama isn't as fun as fake drama.

Sooo...

I feel like reporting that I've found the perfect solution for the lemon fiasco, which is to say that Paul and Cammy (may or may not) get funky and how graphic that (will or will not) be. So I started writing. And it turned out pretty good.

Then I started some more current chapters, because as fun as lemons are, they are nothing without some literary foreplay. The chapter was pretty good until I realized something odd. The girl wasn't Cammy. She was Daria. For those who don't know, "Daria" is a TV show from MTV I used to be in LOVE with. It was like someone turned me into a character, gave me glasses and then made me interested in politics.

It's a subtle humor. Lots of sarcasm.

But she is much more of a smart ass than Cammy is, and you know something's wrong when Cammy answers a phone call from Jacob saying, "Barney's beanery. How may I help you?" So I kept writing, and the sarcasm didn't let up, and you know what? It WAS kind of Cammy. Maybe I won't have to edit as much as I thought.

Then there was Claire, who oddly enough, is based off a two year old girl named Cammy. You wouldn't think two year olds are fun to write for, but they really are. Especially with Quil and you can imagine a screaming toddler instead of actually hearing one.

Anyway, that was my writing expedition last night.

Still can't find New Moon. Still waiting for annoying sister to give it back. Tomorrow hopefully. I need to find a more interesting thing to blog about. Would you guys care if I started lying about my life to make this thing more interesting?

BTW, New Moon trailer is KICK ASS.

"I Hate This Stupid Town" The Bored have an anthem

My friends have started a website about finding things to do when there is nothing to do. It sounds weird, but it makes sense I guess. Like there's nothing on TV or you just want to get out and you have no money to do anything that might be fun.

This website researches and records information about towns so that people can come up with something to do. They have challenges for anyone to perform and get points for, local ghost stories to investigate, urban legends, and places of interest. So far all they have is stuff for California, but everyone is welcome to add their own areas where they live. Some of it might sound dumb, but if you're bored enough you'll do anything for an adventure.

http://www.ihatethisstupidtown.com/

It's amazing what you can come up with after just cruising the town. Not to mention its fun to freak out looking for legends about ghosts and stuff.

Let's Talk About Sex Baby

So... Last chapter went over pretty well. That was good since it was kind of borderline lemony. There's this weird anxiety I get before and after I post every chapter. Sometimes I had add things that I just cringe when I think about later. I think every author does. It's things like that that make me hesitate. I'm trying to get over that so that there isn't a weird stand-still in updates anymore.

I've been avoiding writing about certain topics in the story. Sex is one of them. I don't think I'm very good at writing fluffy scenes, so forget about sex scenes. You can't really be sure how you'll be received. Unfortunately with writing, you're going to go from the beginning of the event to the end without someone to stop and correct you if you're starting to do something they're not comfortable with. (Can you guess how many people I've been with just by reading this?) I love romances and writing them, but when it comes to the big moment it can turn into a complete flop.

So there's that.

~*~

The other thing that's kind of been driving me a little crazy is the Breaking Dawn thing. Not the issue itself. That I've resolved, but the people that want to know about it. If you haven't already guessed, I LOVE surprising people. I totally thrive off of a shock value.

But I also have a really big mouth. I WANT to tell everyone what I'm going to do about the Breaking Dawn issue. It's so hard not to reply every reviewer and tell them how this story is going to end. I've told my whole family over and over because I'm excited for it.

I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune later. Its before I actually act on my ideas that I think they are absolutely brilliant. Then when it comes time to do it I always second guess myself and think maybe my idea is not that good and I'll get a bunch of WTF emails.

Only one way to find out, I guess.

The Forks Trip: Part Deux

The cabin we had was pretty awesome. It had HUGE rooms and a river in the back. I stupidly opted for sleeping on the floor in Washington with nothing but a pillow and a quilt, so I was freezing my ass off the night before. There was a deck in the back overlooking a river. It was beautiful. I had gotten a notebook so I had a few writing experiments I wanted to try out. I had lots of time to mess around with the Twilight Moms. They are absolutely beautiful, like Rosalie status. So they were never out of the bathroom before three in the afternoon and we broke electric circuits every single day we were there from all the people trying to blow dry their hair at once.

On the other hand, I'm a lot like Cammy. If my friends would let me I would run around town in my pajamas too. So we had a lot of time to meander, go into town and come back to check to see if they were ready yet, and then head out again.

Forks thrives on Twilight, and therefore loves Twilighters. Again, I was shocked because you'd think the people there would be sick of all the people looking for Edwards and Jacobs. But they were always very nice and asked us where we were from. Then again the population is probably desensitized to the attention by now. The place is CRAWLING with fans. Every single time we drove by the Forks sign there were multiple cars parked on the side of the road taking pictures. That's not to see we weren't one of them.



(That's me being silly and excited because we'd just gotten there. I know. You can hardly see anything, but you have to climb a little to get to it so Tiff was on the ground taking the pic.)

Every business there had something Twilight related, like the Bella Burger. Or a giant Twilight stand in the middle of the grocery store, or the motel sign that says "Edward didn't sleep here!" glowing in the night. Or a particularly hilarious one in La Push that said, "No vampires beyond this point!" Then of course there were stores that had nothing but Twilight paraphenalia inside.

So like I said the place is crawling with fellow Twilighters. So imagine my surprise when I look out the window and see Jasper, Alice, Edward, and Bella walking by.

...

No. Seriously. They were just walking by like nothing was out of place. I had to make sure I hadn't lost my mind so I was like, "Hey look." Donna and Tiff, who happened to be driving, were like "Oh my god!"

So we promptly pulled the car over and stalked them into drug store. Alice and Jasper were wearing the baseball uniforms and everything. Edward had his cool "shades" on and Bella was absolutely freaked out that we were following them.

So I got the whole Cammy experience.

I am incredibly shy and have this fear of talking to people who are famous or resemble famous people. I can't even talk to the characters at Disneyland, let alone hug them. But Donna, being Donna, tracked them down and asked to get a picture with them. They were so cool. They had the contacts to change their eye colors and everything. And they were surprised that we actually approached them. Seriously, I thought Forks had hired them to be impersonators or something. Even I couldn't pass up an opportunity like this. So I got a picture too.



See? I'm all flustered and they're just people dressed up. I'm such a dork. Ladies and fancy gentlemen, tell me the Jasper guy isn't cute. Then they told us that they had done a Twilight parody on youtube. I'm working on getting a sample to put up here so you guys can check them out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MKz0gkcgAo

So it is my recommendation that you pile your best friends in a car and visit Forks. It's definitely worth it.



(Above: Donna, me, and Tiff)