But the thing is that it is extremely hard to make me do anything. When I have a seven page paper due all I can do is stare at the screen and think "That's about the length of one chapter for me. This should be no big deal." But somehow it is. Writing chapters is easy. Writing essays is not.
I'm obsessed with writing. So somehow I came up with this brilliant idea to write about someone else doing my essay to get it done.
And somehow that turns into Cammy writing my Political Science essay with Jasper's help. It takes place further into Eclipse and I have to warn you that it doesn't quite make sense unless you're writing the essay and this at the same time, but this is the only way to make me write something that I don't give a damn about. It's strictly free writing, so forgive the lack of editing.
So here is an exclusive bit of the Puppet Master that probably won't ever appear anywhere again. Don't worry. Its never going to appear in the real story:
Cammy, Jasper, and the Electoral College
Jasper arrived like a ghost as always. One moment I was alone watching The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and then without even feeling a dip in the couch cushions, noticed a vampire sitting to my right.
He met my gaze the moment I gasped and smiled.
“Someone needs to put a bell on you,” I said. Jasper’s grin widened. I don’t know what it is about vampires that take delight in appearing out of thin air. Maybe it was sort of reminiscent of his old hunting days.
I buried that thought as soon as it crossed me.
“Well, someone has to make sure you’re doing your essay. It’s due tomorrow,” he reminded. I cringed.
“Thanks. I was just getting to it,” I said.
“So I see,” Jasper laughed watching the flickering television screen again. He waited for a response from me. I sighed heavily. “Seven pages on the Electoral College is not going to write itself.”
“Unless Edward bribes Mr. Andrus.”
“Don’t count on it. Now that Carlisle knows he’s going to be keeping an eye out for this sort of thing. Bella’s excusable because she’ll be in high school more times than she can count. You only get one shot.”
“Thank God,” I muttered.
Then out of nowhere my laptop was in his hand. I opened my mouth to ask how long he’d had that, but he offered it back to me.
“Come on. A vampire tutor is the next best thing to bribery,” he said. I sighed. He turned and faced me. “What do you have so far?” I flushed a light pink, something I tried to avoid since I didn’t like reminding Jasper that I was a well balanced meal as much as I was a friend.
“You don’t want to see it. It’s very hard to get me to write essays that I don’t want to write. I have my methods,” I said feeling embarrassed. I felt a wave of contentment to smother my insecurity. I gave him a look to show that I knew what he was doing. But I consented, seeing as how he probably was not going to leave without making sure I was going to improve my grade at this point.
“Okay. Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” I said. The mouse glided across the screen to the desktop item and the Word document clicked to life. As usual he wasn’t going to get too close and lean over me to read. I handed him the laptop.
The Electoral College and other Useless Crap
The Electoral College is a voting system that has been active in this country for God knows how long. There are people who think it makes voting easier to tally. Other people think that government officials need to stop being so freakin’ lazy and count every vote the way its supposed to. I, for one, am that freakin’ lazy. If I had to count all those ballots I’d be like, “Damn, there are a lot of people in America. I wish I were a high school student.” How many Americans actually know what the Electoral College is?
The Electoral College is a system that we use for the presidential election. It was founded by_______ for the reason of _______. Can you tell I haven’t even thought of opening this book?
What the hell is the Electoral College?
Well it looks pretty damn complicated. I could probably write seven freakin’ pages on that alone, because personally I have no idea what it means.
Is the Man trying to keep us down? I think Andrus said something about how Bush didn’t win the election, but Gore did. What the hell happened there? Dude, I could write a page about that. Only six more pages to go!
But hey, there’s got to be a bright side to all this. I mean, otherwise what’s the purpose of the Electoral College?
Okay, okay. Let’s say we SHOULD get rid of the Electoral College. Is that going to piss off everyone and make everything crazy? Does it help any party in particular? DO I SMELL A CONSPIRACY?
This is like, National Treasure crap. Who the hell is trying to make it the Electoral College illegal? What would happen if it was gone? Would it just be the popular vote? Would that be a terrible idea leaving everything up to the people, because sometimes hardcore democracy sucks. Sometimes people are stupid. Then again, stupid people should get a say too. I mean what is stupid? Who draws the line at what is stupid and what’s not?
In conclusion, the Electoral College can kiss my ass because its lamer than lame.
It took a split second for Jasper’s brow to furrow in confusion. He looked up from the screen at me. Now I was a bright red.
“Have you ever been tested for Attention Deficit Disorder?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said. He waited. “Oh, you were kidding? Well, I have, and no, I don’t have the luxury having the exact DSM criteria to make the government tutor me for free.” Jasper’s blonde brows went up.
“What exactly did you accomplish by writing this?”
I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I hated having to explain myself.
“Free writing is a good way to get momentum. If you get past all the obscenities, you’ll find that I made my outline. Topic paragraph, the history of the Electoral College, why it was made, what it is, how its developed over the years, the good its done for politics, the arguments for its removal, what would happen if it were removed, and the conclusion,” I said. The way Jasper did a double take at the screen made me smile with self pride. He seemed to agree.
“Clever. It must take the anxiety out of a term paper, and still productive. Excellent use of psychological defense mechanisms,” he said.
“Thanks,” I said, though I wasn’t quite sure what he was talking about.
“Now,” he said. “You have the general topic which is clearly the Electoral College, but, what is this paper about exactly? Is it purely informative?”
“I have no idea,” I responded with a nod.
He paused.
“Where’s your paper’s outline? What does your teacher expect you to write?” he asked.
“I have no idea,” I said again. He exhaled as he seemed to suddenly understand.
“You lost it?”
“Yes,” I said.
He sighed and I could guess his thoughts.
Typical Cammy.
“Is it an argumentative paper?”
“I don’t think so,” I said. “But Mr. Andrus said something about how we should talk about why we should keep the Electoral College system or if we should just stick to the popular vote.” Jasper blinked. Something unnecessary for vampires, so I knew that he was reacting to something I’d said.
“What?”
“Nothing, just… Well, this is bringing back memories,” he said.
“Really?”
“Yes,” he said. He smiled and exhaled. “Very old memories.”
My blood surged in familiar Twilight enhanced excitement. I felt a back story coming on! Not just any back story, Jasper’s back story. This was what part of the Civil War was about, wasn’t it? I turned my body so I could cross my legs on the couch and face him. He watched me.
“Where’s this excitement coming from?” he asked, smiling hesitantly.
“Of every Cullen’s political view, yours has to be the most interesting. You’re the confederate soldier!” I said. Jasper looked shocked. I felt a flicker of that surpise brush against my own emotions.
“How did you know that?”
“Can I see the bite marks on your arms?” I asked feeling my eyes glitter with dazzled fascination of a fan. He exhaled in understanding.
“I’m going to tell Bella my story?” he asked. I hesitated. Maybe I shouldn't have given that away. He sighed. “How strange.”
“Why is it strange? She’s going to be a part of your family,” I asked.
He paused.
“Nothing, its just… I’m used to distancing myself from Bella. It’s starting to feel real, seeing Bella starting to spend the night, and indulging Alice,” he said. His eyes trained down at the couch for a moment. He looked almost sad.
“What’s wrong with that?” I asked Jasper.
“Nothing,” he said shaking his head. He forced a smile. “Once this book is over you can meet Bella. You won’t have to sneak around, and you’ll have more time with the family.”
I grinned. He leaned forward in the couch.
“Back to work,” he said nodding to the laptop. I picked it up and set it on my lap, ready to type. “Topic paragraph.”
“Hook, line, and thesis statement,” I said.
The Electoral College has been the United States traditional form of electing the president and vice president for decades.
I stopped after the period. The cursor blinked.
Jasper waited expectantly for more of an answer. I stared back at him. His expression fell into a face of concern.
“And…?”
“What else should I type?” I asked. He grinned.
“You want me to help you write this sentence by sentence?”
“Yes, please.”
“No Cammy. It’s the topic paragraph. It’s going to be the easiest paragraph to write,” he said. He waved his hand at the screen. “You don’t need any sources. All you need is some catchy lines about the Electoral College. Write what you know.”
My stomach sank a little. I knew he felt the guilt I had.
“You have no idea what the Electoral College is,” he deducted.
“Wow. And here I thought you must be better off than Bella seeing as how you didn’t miss an entire midterm going to Italy,” came another voice. Jasper was unsurprised as Edward strolled from the backdoor into the living room. Even with Edward’s stoically proud demeanor I could sense he was antsy.
This could be expected of course. Bella was in La Push.
I felt a spark of hope.
“Edward! Will you write a paper on the Electoral College for me?” I asked. Edward started to shrug.
“I don’t see why not,” Edward said. I grinned.
“Yes!”
“If you call the werewolves and convince them to wrap up the bonfire early,” he added. My spirits fell just as quickly.
“Now you’re just toying with me,” I growled. Edward’s small smile tweaked his lips handsomely. I looked away quickly. That’s when I saw Jasper leaning over the laptop and silently tapping the keys. An internet page was up and the downloading bar was loading.
“Read this,” he said.
“I thought you were going to make me do this by myself?”
“Giving you sources is helping. Writing your paper is cheating,” he said lightly. I was beginning to feel the same childish frustration I felt with the werewolves.
Though I supposed the vampires had more right patronizing someone one tenth their age, I was still annoyed.
“Okay, okay,” I said. After the twelfth time of rereading that page I found what I needed. “I think I get it,” I declared.
“Good,” Jasper said. Edward crossed the floor and looked out the living room window. He looked like a dog waiting for his master to come home from work. I smothered that simile to make myself focus.
The Electoral College has been the United States traditional form of electing the president and vice president for decades. There is much controversy surrounding the idea that this is a sufficiently democratic way of choosing the system, while others disagree. This system has affected the outcome of some elections that have decided America’s history and the controversy is still as heavily debated as it was when the Federalists and Anti-Federalist were shaping their country.
“Tah dah!” I said smiling at Jasper. I handed him the laptop to read. He nodded a little, biting his cheek. It was obvious he thought it could be better. “You can tell its bull shit, can’t you?”
“If its any consolation, its pretty good as far as bull shit goes,” he said. I could not contain my snickering. How strange to see a Cullen saying worse curse words than “hell” or “damn.” Jasper ignored my giggling.
“There’s your topic paragraph. Let's move on,” he said. I sighed in exasperation. There was so much to do. I fell back into the couch and groaned loudly. Edward turned away from the window slightly to look at me. “Come on, Cammy,” he insisted.
I felt my shoulders sag in defeat.
“Why was the Electoral College made?” Jasper asked. I suppressed another groan.
“Because…” I thought for a moment. “I don’t know. It doesn’t really make sense really. Why would the founding fathers make the Electoral College when they were reforming the colonies to be one democratic country?” Jasper looked at me expectedly.
“Sounds like a good topic sentence,” he said. I shrugged.
Hm…
The Electoral College is a system that is not direct democracy which has been both its attraction and repelling attribute.
“Why is it an attraction?” Jasper asked. I sighed. Jasper handed me the text book, smiling at my annoyance. “Procrastination won’t make it disappear.”
“Bribery will,” I said hinting in Edward’s direction.
“You know my terms,” Edward hinted right back at me. Maybe he wasn’t joking about calling the werewolves. It wasn’t like Bella would even see someone get the call.
She fell asleep in the middle of the legends. I sighed.
Even homework wouldn’t convince me to change unnecessarily interfere with Twilight. How sad was that?
The Electoral College is a system that is not direct democracy which has been both its attraction and repelling attribute. The framers of the constitution believed that the election of president should be represented by population rather than state by state because of the difference in each state size. The more people in the state, the more electoral votes the state gets. However, the popular vote does not technically decide how the state is going to vote, which is where some people argue the democracy is lost. The elected electors vote for the president. It is true that most of the time electors vote the way of the popular opinion of their state in order to reflect the will of the people officially.
“Oops,” I said. Jasper leaned over my shoulder.
“You veered off from your outline and jumped right into, to quote you, what the hell an electoral college is rather than it’s history,” he said. I shrugged a little.
“Maybe I should switch the paragraphs around,” I said. Jasper made a face as he thought on that.
“Perhaps. Or maybe its time to get into the old federalism song and dance,” he said. He had a sarcastic note to his voice. Edward looked over his shoulder grinning slightly. I looked from Edward to Jasper in confusion. It seemed that Jasper’s thoughts were entertaining.
Then I knew.
“Oh my gosh! Confederacy!” I said. Jasper looked annoyed. I smiled. “You don’t like the electoral college, do you? You have a civil war Southern political point of view and therefore think that the government should be involved as little as possible,” I said. Jasper rolled his eyes a little. I laughed. “Do you have cowboy boots and a snake skin belt with a fist-sized buckle too?”
“Do you dye your hair blonde and play volleyball on the beach in a bikini?” Jasper retorted.
I frowned at the mention of my own California stereotype.
“Okay. No more stereotypes, but still…”
“Keep writing. You’re getting distracted,” Jasper interrupted.
When American government was still being sculpted there was much debate as to how the president and vice president would be chosen. “The final decision of the delegates, to have electors chosen by the various state legislatures elect the president, was the result of a compromise worked out by a committee comprised of one delegate from each of the states and presented to the Convention on September 4, 1787.” This method has been unchanged since its creation and has served its country well, for the most part. However, there are times when the system has failed the people.
“The first contested election was that of 1800 when both Thomas Jefferson and his running mate, Aaron Burr, received 73 electoral votes, throwing the election into the House of Representatives.” While this caused dispute among the people in making a decision, it led to the creation of the twelfth amendment, which further defined the constitution.
I looked up at Jasper.
“What? You were doing so well,” he said.
“What happened in the 1800 election?”
“Don’t ask me. I wasn’t alive yet,” Jasper said cocking a brow. Edward sighed from where he stood, facing out the window. “Please Edward. Just sit down and think about something else. You know very well that Bella will be fine if Cammy says she is.”
“Yup,” I confirmed without looking up. My eyes were beginning to strain under the brightness of the screen.
Edward ignored Jasper so Jasper busied himself with helping me again.
“Look it up, Cammy,” Jasper urged, his voice becoming authoritative. I minimized the page, and brought up another search page.
Edward shifted away from the window, still anxiously looking westward where the reservation was a few miles away. I watched him, happy for the distraction.
“What if you’re missing something? What if something-” Edward worried.
“Nothing’s going to happen to her. Bella would know if something happened to Bella. Therefore I would know too. Besides Jacob’s not a… terrible guy. He’s just not you,” I said. My reluctance in admitting that made everyone in the room look up. I looked back at the two vampires. “What? I like vampires better. I’m not coming onto you.”
“I’d think that you would be more of a werewolf fan,” Jasper said casually. I shrugged.
“Life’s funny,” was all I had to say to that.
“Jefferson and Burr…?” Jasper reminded tapping the screen.
“Can both bite me," I finished.
“Cammy.”
“Alright, alright.”
“I think you should go more into the methodology of the Electoral College. The Electors aren’t the only part of it,” Jasper said.
“As Jefferson and Burr proved.”
“Right. Twelfth amendment.”
“One thing at a time.”
And that's when I put myself to work...
From that point on I have the ability to do my essay on my own. Though I'd probably wasted an hour free writing all the extra bits, I wouldn't be able to write it at all without making myself interested in the Electoral College. Now I've turned research for an essay into turning research for a story, and forced Cammy to write my outline (no matter how many tangents it may have.) And it ends there when I've had enough motivation to just write by myself.
Is that weird?
That is an amazing idea!
ReplyDeleteMe, I have a way with words. I can copy anyone's writing style, and can make anyone's style my own.
I don't cheat, I take their information and make my own copy!
Okay, you still need to update, but I'm feeling calmer now that I've read some new Cammy.